The Freakin' Hott LIVE All Weekend Long!!!!

Well, the "Give The Freakin' Hott A Tag Line" contest is well underway, and the responses are rolling in like Violet after she turned Violet.

What? You don't know about said contest? You must not be on our mailing list! Shoot an email to thefreakinhott@yahoo.com, and find out about all the exciting adventures you could be having.

And...we're playing this Friday, February 25th at Club M in Hollywood at 10pm with The Comatones, and Saturday, February 26th at Dada in Delray Beach at 11pm with Bloom. No cover for either one. Bring a cheap date.

Stay tuned for the Tag Lines as they come in...

M

Blodder?

I have nothing to say. I'm just bored and thinking about pizza.

If any of you were real friends, you'd have one or two delivered to our house right now. Check the "circulars" in your mail today if you need a coupon. And no black olives, for Maude's sake.

Here's a topic: How many celebrities hate each other's guts, but put up with each other so they can be associated with the other person, photographed with them, etc. I personally think it's all of them. Otherwise, I can't even begin to comprehend the relationship between P. Diddy and the Olsen Twins.

Stop thinking about the Olsen Twins, you pigs. And you know who I'm talking about, Bandito. :)

Pizza. Now.

M

RAW DOG!!!!

Roy's in Coral Springs was actually a great place to play - good crowd, cheap drinks, cheaper women, and N2N Trivia. And that Caleb can work the ladies like a Teamster at a Pittsburgh steel mill.

Played a short acoustic set at the Poorhouse last night in Ft. Lauderdale with Truckstop Coffee and Two Story Double Wide. Got sillily inebriated and told everyone that they looked beautiful all night...because they did. All of our friends make such a good-looking group - except for that Fred Grandy, who we just can seem to shake off. He's no Bernie Kopell, but good luck trying to tell HIM that.

I did, however, see the most horrid piece of clothing in the universe at Roy's: cute girl, wearing khaki capri pants with huge black bondage straps hanging off of them...and kitten-heeled sandals. It looked like The Gap and Hot Topic had a one night stand and these pants were their mutant offspring.

In the immortal words of that guy who had that one hit because he was Rob Zombie's brother, this truly is what it's like when worlds collide.

We've got two shows next weekend - Friday at Club M and Saturday at Dada, but you'll hear more about those during the week. I'm going to go back to bed now.

Maggie

Roy?

Tonight.

February 18th.

Roy's.

Corner of Sample Road and Riverside Drive in Coral Springs.

Midnight or later.

The Freakin' Hott and you.

Someone won't be wearing pants.

M

Uncanny Bop

News Alert: Fergie from Black Eyed Peas is actually Bret Michaels from Poison. Do a Google Image search.

You should now be overcome with feelings of horror at how many times you "Oiled the Tin Man" to pictures of her in Maxim's Blender, FHM, and other various flesh-peddle-zines attempting to pose as real music or culture publications. Surgically-altered freaks in thong bikinis are not art, even though their bodies are composed of mixed media.

On a related note, look out for the TFH spread in an upcoming issue of "Buf".

Let's Get It Parted,
Maggamuffin

Brandon Tartikoff Was The Best Thing That Happened to NBC in the 80's

We've got a couple of shows in the works for this weekend, but we're still working out some details, so we'll let you know the facts as they come across the Hott Wire.

Does that sentence make me a nerd - or is it that I've been harassing NBC for almost twenty years to bring back "Misfits of Science" and "Rags to Riches"?

Had a very nice Valentine's Day. It sucks to be poor, but it's nice to have someone to be poor with.

I love you, Donny Osmond...even if I'm not allowed to be within 90 feet of your person. If I had a firehose filled with my love, I would blast you in the face with it, and you would ask me for a towel, and then it would be ON.

I think that in addition to a street team, we also need a stable of backup singers called "The Fever-ettes". And I will hand-pick them so that none of them are better looking than me, or have anything over a 34B. Does that make me a bad person? Are you going to stop loving me, Donn-Donn? Your love is a cageless prison.

MagWOW!

p.s. I got a job.

Nothing Rhymes with Mangina

I feel as though we should make a few changes in the band, if we want to "make it".

We may have the "master action", but we don't have the "master plan"...or the right kind of equipment to create a black hole of reverb so large that its gravitational pull could rip the anus out of The Edge and spit it back onto Bono's face, splattering into a perfect portrait of Kierkegaard making love by the river Sienne with Nietzsche...poetically, of course. Poetically.

I think we need a street team.

Kiss My Absinthe,
Medula Maglongata

Totally Useless Knowledge

I was reading one of my favorite tabloids last night, furiously doing the Celebrity Crossword in the back, when I realized that I know way too much about "The Simple Life" despite the fact that I've never actually seen the show. It then occurred to me that if I spent half as much time studying physics as I did studying the fashion snafu's of mindless drone-celebrities, I would have a PhD by now and be working on a giant laser weapon system with Val Kilmer. We would go to wild parties with beauticians and shake our brilliant asses to the likes of Bryan Adams, wonder who that guy is who lives in the closet, slice frozen nitrogen into slugs to "fool" the vending machines, and make sweet, sweet love wearing nothing but bunny slippers and our rapier wits.

Would I be willing to trade my fashionable threads for a bigger brain? Only if the brain had a kicky pattern of black and pink polka dots, an authentic retro-feel, and made my ass look smaller.

Smooches,
Magg-nificently Accessorized

Something to Ponder

While enjoying our daily dose of Magnum P.I., Aaron and I noticed how short Tom Selleck's shorts were. Whether fighting crime, coaching a pre-teen basketball team, or having a formal dinner, his shorts were so short that you expected to get a shot of yamskin any second (and I secretly wished for it to happen). I heard a rumor that the network executives at CBS had it written into his contract that his shorts hem had to be exactly 2.5 inches from his dandy danglies or they would replace him with the always-willingly-short-shorted David Hasselhoff.

I only have one thing to say to that:


That is all.

M

Important Life Lessons

I learned several important life lessons last night at Dada:

1. Mike Johnson is ELECTRIC.

2. Saying "Peace Out" and doing the corresponding hand signal does not work if you're a white guy over the age of 40.

3. Chris does the meanest Michael Jackson impersonation I've seen since Alfonso Ribiero on Silver Spoons.

4. If you're going to slow dance with Wilkins, make sure HE'S wearing a cup.

5. If you have a shirt that makes your gazongas look remotely big, wear it every single night for the rest of your life.

6. Never, ever let someone you don't trust put their Rupert Holmes into your Mungo Jerry.

7. Bell Biv DeVoe really need to make a comeback.

Mags

p.s. Check out the links page - it's rad!

If You Don't Love Superdrag...

...there's something wrong with you, BESIDES the crabs.

M

Drag your bag to Miam, maam

Many celebrities frequent the beautiful city of Miami for its gorgeous beaches, trendy shops, and unique and interesting night clubs. While you often find the likes of Jessica Simpson and Paris Hilton at clubs like BED and The Mansion, everyone knows that the real celebrities only go to one place: Churchill's.

Why, just a few weeks ago, we spotted the girl who played the little sister on "Parker Lewis Can't Lose" walk through the velvet-ish ropes on the arm of Jonathan Ward - otherwise known as "Beans Baxter" back in 1987. They joined a game of pool with a few friends who had arrived earlier - anyone recall fraternal twin brothers Mark and Willie from "The Hogan Family"? That's right. And Sandy Duncan was their designated driver.

You wanna be where the beautiful roam? Churchill's Pub is the place to be. You wanna use the bathroom there without getting overflowed-toilet water in your shoes? You better wear platform shoes. You wanna have The Freakin' Hott play your birthday party? You better serve Zima.

As invited guests of the amazing band "The Brand", we'll be playing with several other bands as part of their "Plaid" night on Friday, February 4th. Can't recall which bands right at the moment - it's 3AM right now and I'm sleepy - but if you go to our super-spiffy new site, the details are on there.

You know it - www.thefreakinhott.com. Now quit yer bitchin'.

Nitey-Nite,

Maggie & Aaron
TFH Enterprises, ZZZ

Matlock & Magnum P.I.

For those of you who happen to be jobless, we feel it is our duty to inform you that Fox 29 is now showing Matlock at 1pm and Magnum P.I. at 2pm every weekday. Just when you thought quality television was a dream that once was...

I know the only reason any of you sickos watched Magnum was for that shot in the opening sequence where he had that girl's bikinied-derriere in his face. You thought for sure that someday you would move to Hawaii, drive the Ferrari, and have your friend bail you out of sticky situations with his helicopter. Well WAKE UP. Your life is more like an episode of Matlock, you old crusties.

No offense to the old crusties (Brent).

Magsie