Nu Shooz

I think Kim Wilde and Nu Shooz are the same being. Are? Were? Whatever.

I was "recognized" at the $9.99 shoe warehouse this evening by a very nice girl named Cindy. If you're reading this right now, it was nice meeting you. I've got a friend named Bandito who would fall in love with you on the spot, so I'll be sure to point him out to you the next time I see you so you know who to run from.

However, after this, I ordered a pizza from my local evil corporate pizza corporation, and was "recognized" by the driver. The driver who looked like he spent way too much time listening to Jim Croce, and had morphed into some kind of back-from-the-dead Croce-clone complete with mustache. This driver, dear friends, saw me in my jam-jams. I know you're imagining me wearing some kind of feathery-satiny-slinky thing around the house at night, but I can assure you I looked like an escaped Fly Girl from 1989. All that was missing was some knee pads, backwards suspenders, and a turned-up brimmed neon bicycling hat. At the very least, I wasn't wearing stirrup pants. I WAS wearing MC Hammer pants, but at least I wasn't wearing stirrup pants.

Such is life.

So, the moral of the story here, is that you should come to The Poorhouse tomorrow night and check out my new $9.99 spectator pumps...and make it count.

M

A Shameless Birthday Reminder

There are few things that I love more than making lists, which I'm sure most of you know if you're reading this site, so for those of you who are still trying to figure out what to buy me for my birthday (which is May 4th for those of you who don't have a Days-of-The-Week Maggie calendar that highlights all of the important moments in my life, such as the first time I took the state championship in baton twirling, or the day I realized that Esther Rolle Blvd. was in Pompano Beach, or that time I took on Cambodia and single-handedly defeated communism wearing nothing but a Goody tortoise-shell hairband, an off-the-shoulder lavender top, and a pair of Cherokee stretch denim capri pants) here is a list of items that will win me over and make me yours forever, or will at least make me tolerate you for five minutes until someone gives me a better gift:

1. A lifetime supply of well-fitting underbritches (apparently all women's underbritches these days are made for women who have NO ASS - again, I blame Paris Hilton).

2. A glass of chocolate milk served at 34 degrees with a slight froth on top and a red and yellow vertically-striped plastic bendy straw sticking out of it at a 68 degree angle.

3. The admiration of Anson Williams

4. Fame and Fortune - that is to say the movie "Fame" on DVD and a subscription to Soldier of Fortune magazine.

5. Disregard #4. I'd rather have season one of the Golden Girls on DVD, and a subscription to Sassy magazine, which is no longer in print, so you'll have to start a publishing company.

6. Anything with glitter on it, in it, or around it; including fishing lures, lipgloss, and Mariah Carey's smash feature film "Glitter".

7. A smorgasbord served atop the hairy chest of David Hasselhoff (again).

8. Large amounts of cash AND prizes. No parting gifts, please.

And make sure you head out to see us with Orlando band Libyan Hitsquad at The Poorhouse this Friday. It's always a great time at The Poorhouse, and I swear that has nothing to do with my leanings toward being surrounded by rockabilly boys.

Maggie

Why The Cup of Rock is Better Than A Grammy

1. The Cup of Rock implies that you "rock", and a Grammy could be awarded for having the best traditional polka album of the year.

2. The Cup of Rock is taller than a Grammy.

3. Since there's no "red carpet" entrance involved with The Cup of Rock, there is no chance of having your hideously expensive John Galliano dress slip off your shoulder, thereby exposing your recently augmented breast to on-lookers and boob-thirsty paparazzi. The Grammy red carpet does not offer this protection for your teeters.

4. Bowling for Soup has never been nominated for The Cup of Rock.

5. The shape of The Cup of Rock allows it to hold almost half a can of Campbell's Bean with Bacon soup with two tablespoons of oyster crackers on top.

6. Greg Evigan digs it.

7. Mr. Spock rhymes with The Cup of Rock. What rhymes with Grammy? Hammy? Yammy?

8. Bandito lost his cabana shirt at poker last Friday. That has nothing to do with The Cup of Rock, but it's nonetheless noteworthy.

9. Fajitas rule.

10. Jeremiah was a bullfrog.

Madge

Home Alone

I'm sitting here, watching Entertainment Tonight, and it occurs to me that there are so many important things going on in the world right now. Global warming ... the announcement of that Britney Spears is pregnant ... the All-You-Can-Eat Sweet 'n Smoky Rib Special at Sonny's. The list goes on and on. But, still, in the midst of these life changing events, I'm sitting here, and all I can think about is how I saw yet another person wearing stirrup pants today. Yellow stirrup pants. Lemon yellow stirrup pants. Tight lemon yellow stirrup pants. Tight lemon yellow stirrup pants with matching lemon yellow leather flats. It made me think of Stacey Q, which made me think of the episode of Full House where Stacey Q did a cameo appearance as herself, which made me think of the episode of Silver Spoons when Menudo made a cameo appearance, which made me think of another episode of Silver Spoons when Whitney Houston made a cameo appearance, which made me think of the episode of Charles in Charge when Samantha Fox made a cameo appearance, which made me think of The O.C. when Modest Mouse made a cameo appearance.

I have to go. I just remembered that The O.C. is on tonight.

Mags

p.s. When does The Freakin' Hott get to make a television cameo appearance? I vote for The Freakin' Hott on Touched By An Angel...Ooh - no - The Freakin' Hott digitally placed on an old episode of BJ and The Bear. Greg Evigan is my great white whale.

...And We'll Keep on Fighting Till The End...

The Freakin' Hott is now in possession of "The Cup of Rock", as we emerged victorious from the Champions of Rock battle last night. The Champions of Rock Tour still has several cities in the southeast to go through before the big battle in Orlando at The Hard Rock - House of Blues, so you have plenty of time to:

1. Beg your boss at Foxmoor for the weekend off.

2. Collect enough Camel Cash to buy a tent so you have somewhere to sleep up there.

3. Respond to that outstanding bench warrant you have in Orange County for taking a pee-pee on the giant alligator that welcomes you into Gatorland.

Oh my stars! I just realized we're going to be playing in the O.C.! Okay, so it's not Orange County, California, but I should start developing an eating disorder just in case. And Aaron and Wilkins are gonna have to start doing pilates ASAP. Thank goodness they both already have a huge stash of drawstring jersey pants folded neatly in their IKEA modular armoire cubes.

On that note, thanks to everyone who came out, and continue to come out show after show, to show their support for TFH. Special thanks to Bandito - always a near-and-dear, and to Truckstop Coffee for putting on one hell of a show last night. And thank you to Nothing Rhymes with Orange, for not rhyming with orange, and for their never-ending creative use of a roll of tube socks.

Maggie

Good News for Po' Folks!

First of all, what ever happened to Po' Folks restaurant? To this day, no other restaurant has ever offered a fried chicken dinner with a heated Moon Pie for $1.99. If you're wondering what a Moon Pie is, you're probably from New Jersey. I'll let that go only because Tico Torres is from NJ...which redeems the entire state...lucky for you.

So, the good news is that the ticket price for the Champions of Rock battle of the bands show at Respectable's in West Palm this Friday, April 8th, is NOT thirteen dollars. It's only seven dollars, which means you can use the six bucks you're saving on lip gloss...or body glitter...or ointment...or whatever you sick people buy with your disposable income. And you can buy your tickets online at www.respectablestreet.com or at the door. Doors open at 8pm.

In addition to this good news, The Freakin' Hott will be playing a special acoustic show Thursday, April 7th, at Dada in Delray Beach. If you've only been obsessed with The Freakin' Hott for a year or two, then you probably don't know that the band used to consist of only Maggie and Aaron with one acoustic guitar...and the occasional kazoo, triangle, cowbell, and magic frog. We're going to be busting out the old classics that some of you know and love - songs like Around My Panties in 80 Days, Cooter Ball, Super Gay, Stuff, and all of your favorite Moldy Peaches covers. Come see how The Freakin' Hott started out and laugh at us as we try to remember the words to some of these songs that haven't been played in two years. We could rehearse them ahead of time, but that really takes all of the fun out of it.

Show starts 10:30-ish and there's no cover, and there's nothing good on TV on Thursdays since the first season of The Cosby Show aired, so no reason not to come on out.

Giddy-Up 409,

Maggie & Aaron
TFH Enterprises, Zod

There Are So Many Things to Talk About...

We had a great time at The Poorhouse last night, as usual, thanks to all of our dancin' machine friends. I was a little disappointed that there were no fouls on the court, but Evan did manage to throw a few three-pointers from the outskirts of the crowd, so I guess that's okay. I noticed Bandito working the hookup with some freakin' hotties, so I can only guess that he's probably locked up in one of their broom closets right now, begging for his pants back.

Broom closet. Who the hell has a broom closet anymore?

Someone mentioned something about Gidget last night, which really made me miss my basic cable. You could try to say The Flying Nun was a better Sally Field vehicle, but you'd be wrong...then I'd beat you down Shannen Doherty-style...you'd go on to make a lewd videotape with Rick Saloman...and, well, you know the rest of the story.

We'll be at Dada tonight for Yikes!, so come on out and try to stump the master at Pop Culture Poker. I've been mopping the internet with Wilkins all week (who I consider to be a fellow master, which made it all that much sweeter when I squashed him with a one-two punch of Robbie Benson and Wendy Jo Sperber) but I suppose he's allowed a re-match. Come on out, and bring your ear plugs, because it could get nasty if he tries to pull that Dustin Nguyen crap again.

I would like to add that Wilkins is one of my favorite people this week, not just because he lets me beat him at Pop Culture Poker, but because he bestowed the entire second season DVD set of Magnum P.I. upon me...with bonus episodes of The A-Team AND Knight Rider. He's got all of his bases covered for my birthday, which is just over one month away. You will hear so much about that in the next few weeks, you'll get me the Saved By The Bell first season on DVD just to shut me up.

See you tonight!
Mags

Zmedma

Someone settle an argument for me, please. Did Adrian Zmed look hotter in his TJ Hooker uniform, or his T-Bird leather jacket? Anyone?

We can further discuss it tonight when you come to see The Freakin’ Hott at The Poorhouse in Ft. Lauderdale. We’re sharing the bill with Truckstop Coffee and Two Story Double Wide. No cover, show starts at 11pm.

I hate my day job. It keeps me from conversing further on the topic of Mr. Zmed.

Love and Pockets,

Maggie & Aaron
TFH Enterprises, Zmed