The Freakin Hott Finally Adds A BASS PLAYER!!!

After over two years of hearing "Where's the bass player?" we've finally decided to knuckle under and add another musician to hold down the low end. We've been holding secret auditions over the last 2 months, and finally we found the man we were looking for. He was playing in a small juke joint in downtown Versailles with the funk-jazz-jam-deep house-psychadelic band "The Rainbow Snakehead" (soon to be featured in "The Beatcomber" section of the 'New Times'). We offered him $5 worth of arcade tokens and a chance for "The Rainbow Snakehead" to open up for 'Curse Icon' and 'shortstack' at The Surf Cafe. He was on a hydrofoil the next day, and just arrived in time for his debut performance tonight.

Ladies and Gentlemen, say hello to Jerve Malvokian-Smith.



Come see his bass stylings tonight at "The Dada".

Aaron

p.s. Sorry, Mike Johnson

We'll Be Playing At Dada Saturday January 29th (thats tomorrow night) for Popscene

We'll be there around 11pm and we'll probably start around 12- the Popscene DJ's will be entertaining you with their smooth spinning styles prior to, as well as after the show. Come on out - dance...mingle...throw us money.

If you want to be added to our email distribution list, which will entitle you a heap of emails about legal proceedings between Donny Osmond and Maggie, scary fan letters, and secret beauty tips from Angie Dickinson, just drop us a line and we'll be glad to add to the lickety-list.

Dada is in downtown Delray, on Swinton Ave., one block north of Atlantic. If you don't know that by now....

Best Misheard Lyric Ever

Here goes: Outkast's "Hey Ya" - '...shake it like a polaroid picture'

Misheard as: '...shake it like a corduroy peach y'all'

I'm not going to name any names here, but the person who said this often goes by the name "Coolio".

We can't think of anything to do tonight. Email us with your brilliant ideas. By the way - we have no money either. So email us with brilliant ideas for stuff to do, that happen to be free as well. And if you have any spare gyros laying around, mail them to Aaron.

Mags

A Dead Bird Fell Straight From The Sky And Hit Me In The Head Today

I'm not kidding.

This is good luck, right? Please? Maybe he was just fooling around on top of a bridge or something, climbed out too far, John Travolta tried to save him, he failed and his friend fell to his death, John went on to do some mean rug-cutting in a disco competition, and ended the day on an anti-climactic note in some bitchy girl's apartment who only drank hot water with lemon.

I guess it could have been worse, it could have been a buzzard - or WORSE - it could have been a chunk of frozen pee-pee and poo-poo that fell from an airplane - or WORSE - it could have been a chunk of frozen pee-pee and poo-poo that fell from an airplane that Leif Garrett was on! Then I'd have to scrub my skin bare to get that funk off!

So, it could have been worse for me, but it certainly could have turned out a lot better for Mr. Pigeon. Vaya con dios, feathered friend. I did shed a little tear for you when no one was looking.

R.I.P.
Suicidal Pigeon
January 26, 2005

Mags

Hack Hack

Luckily, I seem to have gotten over the 48 hour flu that creeped up on me Sunday evening. At least the fever and hacking are gone. I think I got it from Brent Indeed after I let him use my pink shimmer lipstick last week.

Nothing in the way of shows this week, which is probably good, because I'm feeling incredibly lazy and don't particularly feel like getting out of my jammies just yet.

So, here's a topic: Men's dress shorts. I'm probably starting to sound like an old lady here, but I don't usually care for shorts on anyone, unless they're playing sports or jogging. Dress shorts are a concept that are particularly hard for me to grasp. If you're supposed to be dressed up (and you're a grown man), why are you wearing shorts of any kind? And don't try to dress it up with a long-sleeved oxford shirt and loafers. Just put on some damn pants, peter pan!

ARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!
Mags

Apocalypse: Poorhouse

Last night was fantastic. The best evidence i can offer you is that i am posting now at 8:00 pm because its the first time i've been lucid enough to formulate a complete thought.

Truckstop opened the night and i think we were lucky enough to walk in the door right as they started the set. (We had costume change difficulties before we left the house, so we showed up later than usual.) 2SDW then launched into what became a vomit fueled set. Hopefully noone will commit a murder on the Poorhouse stage, because theres so much 2SDW DNA splattered about the stage that they'd be supect number one.

A huge thanks to Otis Possum for letting us borrow his drums for the 2nd night in a row.

In other news, i need a guitar string company to sponsor me. I prefer Dean Markley gauge 12 with a wound G, but i'm not picky. I break them too often to care what they are. But if anybody wants to sponsor me and give me case of strings, i'll swear to everyone that i never break YOUR strings. Think about it Ernie Ball.

The pizza place around the corner was blasting "Hell's Bells" at about 113 dBs when i went there after the show for a hot slice. The pizza sucked but their sound system in there is killer. I think the dirty ovens and dead cockroaches on the floor add some sort of acoustic resonance.

If all goes well, we'll be back at the Poorhouse on Feb. 19, which is two days after the Wilco show, which means i'll probably want to give up playing music alltogether, just like the last time I saw them live.

Killer Diller,
Aaron

Flooded Bathrooms, Neil, and A Real Diamond Doll

Had a great time with the folks from The Remnants and Two Story Double Wide last night at Ray's. Especially the part where Neil was locked in a flooded bathroom stall with a stripper, making obscene rectal noises as I was trying to drain the lizard in the next stall. If he's a smart cookie, he's been sitting in a tub of boiling bleach all day.

And we get to do it all over again tonight at the Poorhouse. Strippers beware!

Here's a topic: Ugg boots. Why would any self-respecting female want to look like she's knee-deep in a sheep's anus? Discuss.

Mags

The rise of the Fantasm

About Freakin' time, right?

We finally have a forum within to post our psychotic musings, sightings of the hairy fantasm, and least of all updates of our personal lives. And maybe some show info too.

Now maybe some of you "freakin hotties" can start checking here regularly for a daily (hourly) dose of scientific experimentation and higher thinking.

Someone should come to one of our shows this weekend, and let me know you read this by telling me "Hustler White rides again." It will be code for "I check your site constantly even though there hasn't been an update in 4 months."

Loser.

Love,
Aaron