Totally Useless Knowledge

I was reading one of my favorite tabloids last night, furiously doing the Celebrity Crossword in the back, when I realized that I know way too much about "The Simple Life" despite the fact that I've never actually seen the show. It then occurred to me that if I spent half as much time studying physics as I did studying the fashion snafu's of mindless drone-celebrities, I would have a PhD by now and be working on a giant laser weapon system with Val Kilmer. We would go to wild parties with beauticians and shake our brilliant asses to the likes of Bryan Adams, wonder who that guy is who lives in the closet, slice frozen nitrogen into slugs to "fool" the vending machines, and make sweet, sweet love wearing nothing but bunny slippers and our rapier wits.

Would I be willing to trade my fashionable threads for a bigger brain? Only if the brain had a kicky pattern of black and pink polka dots, an authentic retro-feel, and made my ass look smaller.

Smooches,
Magg-nificently Accessorized