Ass to Mouth? No. Ass to Butt? HELL YES!
There are a lot of things very important things going on in the world right now. Thankfully for you, I have no plans of addressing any of them today.
Orange City, Iowa movie theaters have taken it upon themselves to change the title of the "Jackass Two" movie to "Jackbutt Two" on their marquees. Aside from the fact that the title "Jackbutt Two" sounds like the title of the new alleged Dirty Sanchez-esque Screech sex tape, it's also really, really, really stupid. Did I mention that it was stupid, too? However, if we're going to change Jackass to Jackbutt, I think it would probably be a good idea if we started changing the names of other things in order to remove the "ass" from them because, quite frankly, when I take a really long, hard look at myself, all of the ass that's floating around these days IS starting to make me feel dirty.
Movies
Class = Clbutt
Mass Casualties = Mbutt Casualties
TV Shows
Lassie = Lbuttie.
Head of The Class = Head of the Clbutt.
Actors
David Hasselhoff = David Hbuttelhoff
Armand Assante = Armand Buttante
Musicians/Bands
Sass Jordan = Sbutt Jordan
Massive Attack = Mbuttive Attack
Lance Bass = Lance Bbutt (that actually sounds about right)
I think that not only are all of the above names and titles now greatly improved, but now we won't have to worry about casual teenage sex EVER rearing its ugly fornicating head again. It's gonna be all arithmetic homework at the malt shop and soapbox derbys from now on. And, no, you can't start using hair tonic until you are eighteen years old, mister!
Maggie
Orange City, Iowa movie theaters have taken it upon themselves to change the title of the "Jackass Two" movie to "Jackbutt Two" on their marquees. Aside from the fact that the title "Jackbutt Two" sounds like the title of the new alleged Dirty Sanchez-esque Screech sex tape, it's also really, really, really stupid. Did I mention that it was stupid, too? However, if we're going to change Jackass to Jackbutt, I think it would probably be a good idea if we started changing the names of other things in order to remove the "ass" from them because, quite frankly, when I take a really long, hard look at myself, all of the ass that's floating around these days IS starting to make me feel dirty.
Movies
Class = Clbutt
Mass Casualties = Mbutt Casualties
TV Shows
Lassie = Lbuttie.
Head of The Class = Head of the Clbutt.
Actors
David Hasselhoff = David Hbuttelhoff
Armand Assante = Armand Buttante
Musicians/Bands
Sass Jordan = Sbutt Jordan
Massive Attack = Mbuttive Attack
Lance Bass = Lance Bbutt (that actually sounds about right)
I think that not only are all of the above names and titles now greatly improved, but now we won't have to worry about casual teenage sex EVER rearing its ugly fornicating head again. It's gonna be all arithmetic homework at the malt shop and soapbox derbys from now on. And, no, you can't start using hair tonic until you are eighteen years old, mister!
Maggie
posted by the freakin hott at Wednesday, October 04, 2006
2 Comments:
Censorship? Take a second look...
So, it seems my lovely little town of Orange City, Iowa, is making national (and international) news with the movie Jackass 2. Apparently it was even on ET and the Leno show. Wow, Orange City.
At first glance, this would look to be censorship. And, considering this is northwestern Iowa and we are pretty conservative, it would sort of make sense.
Only that's not what happened.
Turns out the theatre ran out of S's for the marquee (We've got Open Season, School for Scoundrels, Little Miss Sunshine, the Illusionist...). The high school student putting up the names realized that he was out of S's, so he decided to put Jackbutt, and the manager didn't care, because there really wasn't anything they could do about running out of S's.
So, think what you will of Orange City - we are overly conservative, but not quite that conservative.
- Paula Pudewell, a student at Northwestern College in Orange City, Iowa
I was present at the last Republican "HappyHolyJesusSunday LeaveNoOne'sBehindBehind Get-Together" in Orange City and it didn't seem that there would ever be any shortage of asses so I'm having trouble buying that story Paula.
Thank you.
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