The Teen Choice Awards, Tom Bosley, and You

I took a break from blogging so I could properly prepare myself for this past Sunday's "Teen Choice Awards" and, although my therapist is against it, I'm ready to talk about it.

The awards show was a two hour teenage girl screamfest with a bunch of "stars" that I'd never heard of, a poorly lip-synced performance by Rihanna, and some of the most uncomfortable dialogue in the history of the universe between Dane Cook and Jessica Simpson. Her comedic timing is about as sharp as a sack of ass implants, and her near-illiteracy was more than evident as she struggled to read anything off the teleprompter. I'm also convinced that she has actual Chiclets for teeth. Dane Cook looked as though he would rather die than spend one more second next to Frau Dickinmouth, and I'm sure he left the theater shortly afterwards and had sex with the nearest set of Encyclopedia Brittanicas he could find.

Sadly, I have no Encyclopedia Brittanicas to make love to, so I had to settle for watching the first season of Father Dowling Mysteries on laserdisc. I tried to watch Diagnosis Murder, but my impure thoughts about Scott Baio distracted me from the plotline. I think I made the right choice.

The show ended with the debut live performance of Kevin Federline. I'll have to cover that tomorrow. It could take all day.

Maggie