Dave Navarro Still Eats It

I can't pinpoint the exact moment that I began to loathe Dave Navarro, but it was probably sometime in the area of that whole "'Til Death Do Us Part" show that showcased he and Carmen Electra's wedding. It was either that, or that time he ruined an entire Red Hot Chili Peppers record and talked Anthony Kiedis into wearing high-waisted flame-y vinyl pants. Although, come to think of it, it might have been around the time that he was born, but I did give him his fifteen minutes' worth during his time with Jane's Addiction. After all, "Nothing's Shocking" changed my angst-ridden ninth grade life.

So Dave Navarro, along with Jane's Addiction members Stephen Perkins and Chris Chaney, has formed a new band (with former MTV VJ Steve Isaacs handling the frontman duties) called "Panic Channel". Unfortunately, he's come out and said that between his new "band" (ha ha) and his super AWESOME job hosting this season's "Rock Star" show on CBS (ha ha times infinity), he and Carmen Electra just "don't have time" to have babies.

I, for one, feel cheated. I was so looking forward to reading the tabloid reports about how he's having Jean-Paul Gaultier custom-design a mini feather boa and latex diaper for his wolverine-spawn's quasi-burlesque christening into The Infant Pussycat Dolls as coached by skankalumnus "Moms" Electra.

I love the idea of Dave telling this kid how Mom and Dad met. "Well, a couple of years after your mom finished being Prince's f*ckdoll, and after I was done making out with Perry Farrell and Anthony Kiedis, we met and fell in MTV-subsidized love where we told the whole world how we celebrated our wedding night by popping some Viagra and seeing how many weights we could hang from your mom's nipple rings before her implants popped."

Maggie