Keeping It Real

Beyonce Knowles says that she channels an inner-diva named "Sasha" in order to free herself from the limitations of being Beyonce Knowles on stage. I'm not sure what those limitations are, but I'm betting one of them is not being able to wear anything on stage that doesn't make her look like she blew a thousand bucks on an outfit at the Swap Shop.

Christina Aguilera also channels an alter-ego: "Baby Jane". She won't give the reasons she arrived at that name, but I'm sure it has something to do with her wearing a diaper and fellating a four foot tall Graffix bong.

When Britney Spears doesn't want to put up with the hassles of being Britney Spears, she insists people call her "Mona Lisa". Nobody gives Mona Lisa shit because according to Britney, "You don't mess with Mona Lisa!!!!" Kill me now.

Keeping with this long-standing tradition of alter-egos, I've decided to channel a woman named "Peggy" when I'm onstage.

Peggy works the graveyard shift at the Denny's in Lake Worth, has one of more tattoos of both Tweety Bird AND Jethro Tull, "pampers" herself by letting her neighbor Tammy give her a Toni home perm once every two months, has seven kids by eight different fathers at home (don't ask me how THAT happened), and a live-in boyfriend named "Chet" who "can't get no steady work" who keeps his half-dead grandmother locked in a closet to keep those Social Security checks rolling in every month so he can afford his yearly trip to Daytona Beach for "Bike Week". You talk about keeping it real? Peggy is as real as it gets motherf*cker!

Maggie