When is The KISS Enema Kit Coming Out?

I awoke wrapped in a KISS sleeping bag from my KISS coffin this morning to the sound of a FedEx driver knocking on my front door. I signed for the package, ripped it open, downed the Kiss Thermos of KISS Demon Dark Roast Coffee that I had overnighted from the KISS Coffeehouse in Myrtle Beach, swept the cigarette ashes that spilled out of my KISS Ashtray onto the new KISS Ceramic Tile Floor I put in last week and disposed of the mess in my KISS Garbage Can, turned off my KISS Night-Light, and got right to work painting my KISS Model Car. Wouldn't you know it but that pest of a neighbor of mine hit his KISS Baseball right through my window and broke my KISS Christmas Ornament Collection! I suppose it could have been worse - he could have been tossing around his KISS Bowling Ball and broken my KISS Chip and Dip Bowl Set then I'd have to hit him up side the head with my KISS Pool Cue!!! LOL!!!! I wish that kid's parents would have used a KISS Paul Stanley Condom - then I would have to trip over his KISS Jack-in-the-Box in my yard everyday!

Gene Simmons is getting a reality show called "The Family Jewels". Hope you have your KISS Fire Helmet on. It's gonna be HOT!

(I would like to add that I did not make up a single item here. This is actual KISS licensed merchandise. And for this reason, and for the shitty power ballad "Forever", I hate KISS.)

Maggie