Make Yourself Useful, People

I'm not entirely sure of the exact moment that Tara Reid became Nick Nolte with fake tits, but I'd like to extend my hand to her in appreciation for all of the blog postings she's contributed to merely by existing. I mean, it's not that she's disgusting, it's that she's SO disgusting that she makes Paris Hilton look like Shirley Temple taking a bath in Purell by comparison. She's everything that's wrong with the entertainment business all wrapped up into one saline-bumpified mystic-tanned shiftless lay-about...

The poster child for having your liposuction done in some guy's garage in Guadalajara with a hacksaw blade and a Hoover vacuum...

The personification of a clearance rack in the "Adult Section" of the back of a van of novelty gifts at the Swap Shop...

A walking genital wart with opposable thumbs...

The used tacky cloth strips of Christina Aguilera's most recent Brazilian wax...

The transparent skin that forms on top of the KFC Li'l Bucket Parfait of Skankdom.

I got away from myself there for a minute. If you have any fantastic Tara-isms you'd like to boast - please let me know so the rest of us can bask in your hatefulness. I expect nothing less than literary confection-perfection from both Tom and Wilkins, so don't disappoint me, boys. Feeling crushed under the weight of writer's block? Here's a dandy of a pic to inspire you:






You're welcome.


Maggie

We'll be at DaDa this Saturday, July 29th, for the Popscene 3rd Anniversary Party. Don't miss it!