Control Yourself

There is absolutely no reason for you to be so upset that the next film installment of "The Dukes of Hazzard" is going to be released straight to video. I know you had your hopes up - we all did - but maybe this will teach you a valuable life lesson about not always getting what you want. No, really, please stop crying and threatening to throw yourself in the path of Charlie Sheen's penis. It's not going to help matters. The best thing for you to do right now is to curl up with a pint of Ben and Jerry's and eat yourself sick. Then wash it down with a few handfuls of Ex-Lax so you won't be called "zaftig" by Joan Rivers on the red carpet at the premiere of whatever piece of crap Brett Ratner is putting out this week. You might want to pop a few valium too so you can look Jeremy Piven right in the eye and not laugh at how his hairline has managed to creep about five inches forward in as many years.

Get your act together. You're embarrassing yourself.

No shows this weekend. That should give you plenty of time for reflection.

Maggie