Start Poppin'

Regarding his split from Jessica Simpson, Nick Lachey has bravely told Teen People Magazine - "Don't feel sorry for me."

I am so glad he has advised us of this information. I've been sitting outside of his mansion all day long feeling sorry for him. I don't know what to feel more sorry about - the fact that he's been paroled from his prison sentence for being an accessory to blonde crimes against humanity, or the fact that he's going to knee-deep in cash and whores by year's end. I hope that the wads of hundred dollar bills and jigglin' boobies are able to catch his tears.

Personal note to Nick: You are what is known in the real world as "lucky". Now shut up and find some other bimbo that will make you feel as smart as Jessica did. You can pretty much just throw a rock in Los Angeles and hit three or four hundred of these women at one time. They're all in line to audition for "Elim-a-Date".

Maggie