I Think He's Gonna Pork-Rind Her!

Don't you get me all excited for nothing!!! I hesitate to even share this information with you, mostly because I'm frightened that if I say it out loud it may not come true. You must promise to keep it to yourself. Here goes.

It is being reported that Kevin Federline and Jessica Simpson were getting cozy at the LA club "Privilege" a couple nights ago. Oh to be a fly on the wall - or one of those flies that are usually buzzing around his filthy 'do-ragged head. I bet his scalp smells like macaroni and cheese...and not the Kraft Deluxe kind either. The store-brand one with the powdered cheese.

What was I talking about? Oh yeah, the mere thought of the two of them being in the same room, let alone "hooking up". I can't tell you how much I love this idea. The two of them getting together and having a lusty, crusty affair, her getting knocked up by his radioactively-potent trailer-seed, giving birth to a child named "Cletus" (because it rhymed with "Fetus" and she couldn't think of anything better), and this child going on to play the role of Joey on "Blossom" when NBC decides to re-make it into a feature-length Made-For-TV-Movie in the year 2021.

I've been good. I haven't called anyone a skank all day, except for Paris Hilton of course, but that's part of my daily affirmations. Please don't take this away from me. Please let it be true.

Maggie