Shorties

There is so much to talk about, you're getting the "Bend Over Shorties and Let Me See What You Gots":

1. The Cars are holding a press conference today to announce a reunion tour. Wait. Before you get excited, Ric Ocasek is not going to be part of it. This is the equivalent of serving the finest filet mignon that the world has ever known on the floor of a gas station bathroom that hasn't been cleaned since Darva Conger was considered a celebrity.

2. Britney Spears has put K-Fed on a K-onstrictive budget because he's so K-Razy with all the baggy pants purchasing. I can't wait for his next single, which I'm sure will be called "Big Allowance Pimpin'".

3. Isaac Hayes is leaving 'South Park' because, after making fun of every religion in the world, Matt Stone and Trey Parker decided to make an episode that took jabs at Scientology. For those of you who don't know, Isaac Hayes is a Scientologist from way back, which has rendered him unable to communicate with us Earthlings. It also tends to make people lose any sense of humor that they ever had, and become laughing stocks of the entertainment world. It's all in 'Dianetics', people.

4. Jared Leto wears a priest frock and goth-y makeup at his crappy band's (30 Seconds to Mars) show because he claims it "gets him in the mood". I'm not sure what "mood" he thinks he's talking about, but I'd say it's probably "I miss 1991."

Maggie