My XXX Fantasy

It's not often that a celebrity fulfills your every fantasy, and I feel so overwhelmingly lucky that Mariah Carey has told The London Mirror the following:

"I've been working out like mad - you can even punch me in the stomach and feel how tight that is..."

I'm lacing up my boxing gloves right this second and boarding the next plane to Doucheville. A lot of people in the sports world will tell you that it's wrong to weight your boxing gloves with a few beakers of mercury and a cinder-block or two, but I think they're not living in the real world. If there's one thing I refuse to be accused of, it's not keeping it real.

AND

Vin Diesel has decided that he would also like to be my muse today. How else could he explain the following article I just pulled from The New York Daily News?:

"The burly, bald-pated star reveals that he's nicknamed his swollen biceps "The Kryptonics," although he insists he'd never break out the big guns in order to score a prospective date's digits.

"No! What do you take me for? I'm much more romantic than that," he tells the magazine of his cautious use of "The Kryptonics." "I'm more likely to sing Broadway show tunes to a girl."

1. Do I really have to address the fact that he has named his biceps? I can only imagine the other body parts he's "named". I don't want to get too much into it, but I bet there's a steroid-affected part below his waist that he calls "The Disappointer".

2. I can't recall the last time a male suitor sang me Broadway show tunes to impress me, but I think it may have been Clay Aiken, and I may have been wearing a Ricky Martin costume at the time.

3. I have to see if I can get him together with Mariah Carey for her "punch me in the stomach" business. I can't think of a more fitting task for "The Kryptonics".

Maggie