Finally, The Sternum Implant!!!!!

You know what's so totally "in" right now and you don't even know it? The visible sternum. It seems to be sweeping all of the red carpets these days, so much so that I feel it's only a matter of time until they invent the "sternum implant". Similar in look and feel to a cedar shoe-tree, the sternum implant will give the discerning, fashionable lady that hint of famine that men find so sexy these days. But don't just do it for attention from men - THAT would be wrong. Do it for yourself, so YOU can feel more confident in that $10,000 sack of sequins that's hanging off the tops of your shoulder bones like lake weeds off the Swamp Thing. It's hip! It's happening! It's skeletal! Get on board, loser, or you'll miss the Sexy Marrow Train to Starvingville!

In case you don't know what I'm talking about, you must check out sinewously sexy sternumulator Sheryl Crow on the Grammy green carpet. Google her name along with "RAWRHRHRHRHWHRHTHTIWHHUIYHEAAAAA!!!!!!!! Good Lord, She's a Freak!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" and you'll probably find it. If not, try "Lance Leavin's" or "Banged My Way to The Top".

Maggie

Hey - don't forget The Freakin' Hott will be at Revolution in Ft. Lauderdale TOMORROW NIGHT - Valentine's Day - along with The Fabulous Dik Shuttle Lounge for a night of romance, dill pickles, and Ugly Kid Joe reminiscing. Five bucks. Get there roundabout 9pm. 21 and up.