Tan, Tanner, Tannest

Jodie Sweetin of "Full House" fame has finally admitted that she was addicted to meth for several years, that is, until Bob Saget and John Stamos staged an intervention and had her sent to rehab last year. Why, oh why was this not televised? I can totally picture them sitting around the old set of Full House in the breakfast nook and them saying, "You know you have a drug problem, Jodie." and her saying, "How rude!" in that magical Stephanie Tanner manner. Tanner manner. Ha.

Speaking of tans, did you hear about Vince McMahon's latest flap with a tanning salon employee? It seems Mr. McMahon was browning himself up at "Tanzibar" in Boca Raton when he cornered an employee and forced her to look at naked pictures of HIMSELF that he had stored on his camera phone. He then proceeded to grope her and make inappropriate comments to her. She immediately called the police and had them make a report of the incident. She must be really stuck-up or something, because the mere thought of seeing Vince McMahon naked would make most women melt into a pool of hot estrogen. He's as sexy as a piece of rawhide that's been cut out in the shape of a wiener, and almost as charming.

Maggie

Don't forget to head out to The Poorhouse TONIGHT, FRIDAY the 3rd, to see The Freakin' Hott, I Am Stereo, and Sex is a Bullfight?! No cover, strictly 21 and up. The evening starts at 11, and we'll go on sometime between then and 1AM, so don't show up at 2AM and say "What? You already went on?! WTF?!!!!" because I'll shoot you in the leg with a crossbow made of licorice and let The Smudge finish you off.