The Fattest Skeleton In Town

Okay, okay. So The New York Post is claiming that Nicky Hilton saw Mischa Barton at a birthday party in Beverly Hills and reportedly said:

"What is that fat pig doing here?"

I gotta tell you, this sounds like my kind of party. I hope she found Lindsay Lohan, Nicole Ritchie, and Tara Reid later and told them that they looked "healthy" and "voluptuous". I bet the ensuing mad dash to the vomitorium/ladies room would look like the chariot race in Ben-Hur. Most of their hair is made of horsetail anyway.

Oh ladies, can't you all just let bygones be bygones and get together for a big ol' tickle fight in your $300 panties, let Rick Saloman videotape it, sell it on the internet, sue him for a violation of privacy, settle out of court for a few million dollars from the profits, get a reality show that showcases your daily slapfight with humanity and decency, get engaged to a billionaire or two until his family threatens to take away his trust fund if he doesn't break up with you, and put dresses on your chihuahuas while they wish for their own death, like the good ol' days?

I'm so bored with celebrities' antics right now, I'm just going to type some Marky Mark and The Funky Bunch lyrics until the Sudafed and Jack Daniels kicks in: Hard and mean at sixteen/livin' like a beam, theme/Out scheming for the green/Quick to kill, I gets ill/I make ya blood spill/I cut ya throat for your goose-down coat.

Ah yes. I gets ill.

Maggie