The Importance of Being RIPPED

If you watched the Grammy's, and chances are you didn't because they've become a mockery of all things musical, then you saw that Madonna has really turned into quite the MILF: Man I'd Like to F**k.

Stop working out. Stop it now. Stop it before you can bounce a dime off your breasts and send shrapnel shooting off into the eyes of your backup dancers. Stop it before you grow an Adam's Apple that's the size of an actual apple. Stop it before people start thinking that you're just a male impersonator of yourself and try to cast you in the sure-to-be upcoming sequel of "The Birdcage" that not even Nathan Lane will do but Hank Azaria will jump at the chance to star in. Stop it before your children start calling you "Dad" and really meaning it. Stop it before you actually become a salamander. Stop it before you grow another penis. Stop it before your jawline gets so sharp that you can slice cheese with it. Just stop it.

You're really freaking me out, Madge. To the depths of my soul. I'm frightened.

Maggie

Hey there - we've got an extra special Valentine's Day show with The Fabulous Dik Shuttle Lounge at Revolution in Ft. Lauderdale on, you guessed it, Tuesday February 14th. Five bucks will get you in, 21 and up. Bring a date and shock the hell out of all of us, nerd.