Love, Thy Name Is Skankis

Devastated by the news of Paris Hilton and Stavros Niarchos breaking up, I hope to gain some kind of understanding and closure by reenacting their break-up conversation:

Paris: Stavros! Where are you Stavros???

Stavros: (muffled sounds of screaming followed by the sound of a genetically-mutated walrus being dropped into a pool of Diet Berries and Cream Dr. Pepper from The Island Hopper) Oh man! That is the LAST time I'm having sex with you!

Paris: Don't you know who I AM?

Stavros: Sure I do, but the five guys I just met "up there" told me they finally have enough players to take on your gonorrhea in the play-offs. I think that means we have to break up.

Paris: That's hot. Not the breaking up part, of course, but the gonorrhea team just scored a three-pointer!

This is my time of need, folks. This news has really hit me hard. If you can spare anything - a thousand dollars, a non-sexual backrub, or even an all expenses paid vacation to Jamaica - now's the time to step up.

Maggie