The Scientology Circle

It was late in the evening, April 18th, when I heard the news. Katie Holmes gave birth to a baby girl named Suri. I thought about how proud the sperm donor and Scientology-extraordinaire, Tom Cruise, must be, and how there's one turkey baster out there who's gonna get a bonus for being so "on the mark". Then I remembered Olympia Dukakis's line in "Look Who's Talking" when she called the sperm donor "the frozen pop". This memory made me snicker, which then made me want to eat a "Fun Size" Snickers bar and lick the melty chocolate off my fingers afterwards. This made me think of that scene in Mallrats when Jason Lee makes Brandy's father lick his fingers after he stink-palms him. This made me remember how I thought Jason Lee was the perfect man for me when I was nineteen. Never before had I seen a man so delightfully bitter, indifferent, and chock full of useless knowledge. He was the perfect man, albeit a tad on the hairy side, but whatever. He was a dreamboat. I then remembered that Jason Lee is now a Scientologist. Yuck.

And the circle is now complete.

Maggie