No, My First Name Ain't Baby...

I know I'm not the only one who's noticed that foreign-born orphans are quickly becoming the new chihuahua in the neverending ridiculousness that is the New Hollywood. Nobody wants to be the last pop sensation/starlet/washed-up hag on Ventura Boulevard without a baby in their nanny's arms. Sorry, kid - Mommy would just love to carry you around, but you make her look fat by comparison, and you know we can't have THAT. Chances are Mommy paid about the same amount for her Prada bag as she did for you, and your nimble baby-fingers aren't as trustworthy as her overpriced leather monstrosity/purse. Perhaps someday, when you're older, and you're able to grip a bundle of Chanel lipsticks and a few boxes of laxatives at the same time, you'll become "useful" to Mommy, but until then, you better get used to the back burner, kid.

I could talk about how many children there are in the US that need homes, but when it comes down to it, a child saved is a child saved - regardless of their country of origin - and you can't look down on that. HOWEVER, people adopting babies so they can be "in on the newest trend" are as disgusting as Meg Ryan's bought-and-paid-for trout mouth sucking down overpriced sushi while her baby learns to resent her from the nanny's arms outside the restaurant window.

Maggie