To Wong Foo, You're An Idiot

Sure, I could go on for days about how Patrick Swayze is planning on releasing a rap single, but to be honest with you, I don't have the time or energy to dissect something as ridiculous as Patrick Swayze releasing a rap single. I have more important things to do than to drone away word after word about how he should be buried up to his chest in sand and pelted with VHS tapes of "Roadhouse" or how he should have been shot at with a crossbow with feces on the tip of the arrow after "She's Like the Wind" or how sad it is when people don't realize that they've peaked and go on to make pathetic attempts at getting what I like to call CPR (Comeback Public Relations) only to further humiliate themselves on a national level. I clearly don't have the free time to blather on and on and on about that time he was chosen as People Magazine's Sexist Man Alive and there was a picture of him diving into his pool with the tip of his wiener sticking out from his Speedo like a determined porpoise waiting for a flaming hoop to jump through and he tried to write it off by saying "Oh, those were the strings from the inside of my swim trunks." or how people STILL willingly paid to see him in that Priscilla Queen of The Desert rip-off "To Wong Foo, Thanks for Everything, Julie Newmar" piece of crap when he was not even PASSABLE as a drag queen. And don't even get me started on "Black Dog". I SIMPLY DO NOT HAVE THE TIME TO WASTE ON SOMETHING SO PETTY. This is why it will suffice to say that the last time I got reamed out of $7.50 that bad, I at least had a questionably obtained black eye from a male stripper to show for it. That was worth it just for the story...that I later sold to The Enquirer. I won't tell you the stripper's name except to say that it rhymes with "Tustin Jimberlake".

I am a busy person.

Maggie