The 4 Horsemen of the Skankpocalypse

As if you needed another sign that the apocalypse has already begun, it is being reported that Tori Spelling is engaged to be married to that guy with whom she cheated on her first husband. That means that not one, but TWO men on Earth have at some point agreed that Tori Spelling is the person they want to spend the rest of their lives with. Who can gaze long into the eyes of evil and terry cloth track suits and say "I do"? Floods, famine, fires, Tori. I think that's the order in which the end times occur. Plus, now I have to buy her ANOTHER silver chafing dish from Tiffany's, so that's another three thousand bucks I'll never get back.

And if that wasn't enough, the "Time to make the donuts" guy died yesterday. How much more proof do you people need? The end times are upon us! Are you waiting for Shannen Doherty to be chosen as the next Secretary of State before you believe? Perhaps you won't be convinced until you see (more) horns sprout from Kelly Ripa's freakish bobblehead while she disembowels Regis with a blister-pack of estrogen tablets during a segment about vaginal dryness? How about a revival of Dance Fever starring Denny Terio? How about Claire Danes earning my respect back after "Shopgirl"? What's it going to take?!

I hope to run into at least one member of New Hollywood down in South Beach tonight at our show at The Marlin Hotel so I can throw a bucket of pig blood on them. That is, of course, assuming The Rapture doesn't snap Paris Hilton up first. Um...yeah.

Maggie