Bulimia For The Lazy

I met one of my secret celebrity gossip sources at The Sizzler last night and he informed me that Lindsay Lohan will admit to the world that her drastic weight loss last year was a result of bulimia, as many expected. It got me to thinking about what an effort that must be to have to make yourself hurl a few times a day, knowing how much it could smear your eye makeup to oblivion, and I thought that there must be an easier way. I proceeded to eat raw chicken out of the dumpster outside, and I gotta tell ya, the ensuing food poisoning is doing wonders for my figure - and without the muss and fuss of having to stick foreign objects down my throat. What a time saver! Why didn't I think of this years ago?! Sure, the feeling of faint and tire tread-sized black circles under my eyes are a little inconvenient, but hello? Red Bull and concealer! I'm thinking of writing a book called "No Chance of Digesting That! - The Salmonella Diet".

How about this, young starlets: Instead of taking a spinning class nine times a week, how about you invest some time in a little thing called "self-worth"? If you're worth five million bucks per movie to a film studio, you're worthy of eating a chicken sandwich sometime, too. As much as I loathe Young Hollywood, I loathe watching young girls destroy themselves while trying to live up to impossible standards even more (unless it's Paris Hilton, in which case that's just Darwinism in action).

Assuming I can drag myself away from commode by Saturday, come check out The Freakin' Hott at Respectable Street in downtown WPB. It's worth skipping the spinning class to attend.

Maggie