Ooh That Smell

As I'm sure you can recall, the introduction of the Britney Spears perfume "Curious" last year made many of us flee the cosmetics counter in fear of smelling like stale Funyons and the crotch of a nude, bedazzled bodystocking. Now that her marketability is resting somewhere under K-Fed's sack, we can once again feel safe to return to the cosmetics counter....or can we?

Mariah Carey has announced that she will be launching her own perfume line in the very near future.

I predict a melange of scents, ranging from crushed Prozac, smashed butterfly testicles, and the sweat of Horshack from Welcome Back, Kotter to the fruity, floral, exotic mix of desperation, dead chinchillas, and Gucci pigskin. A summery, fresh scent that reminds you why it's never a good idea to wear a belt around a bulky fur coat or to be the most self-obsessed, narcissistic person on the planet.

In a related story, I will be releasing my own perfume next week called "Douchebag Diva". It will smell like bacon cheeseburgers and hate.

Maggie

p.s. Our next show will be at The Poorhouse in Ft. Lauderdale on February 3rd with I Am Stereo. They all smell like a wet t-shirt contest at Summer's on The Beach.