Rebel Without A Worthy Cause

Can you imagine anything worse than dating Kimberley Stewart? Can you imagine not only dating Kimberley Stewart but getting her name tattooed on your body? Can you imagine not only dating Kimberley Stewart and getting her name tattooed on your body but then getting dumped by Kimberley Stewart for a bohunk on that show Laguna Beach? Can you imagine not only dating Kimberley Stewart and getting her name tattooed on your body and having her dump you for some bohunk on that show Laguna Beach but having to deal with the dirty looks from your new girlfriend Mischa Barton every time you walk around in some LA vomit palace nightclub with no shirt on showing your Kimberley Stewart tattoo off to the likes of Wilder Valderrama and Danny Masterson?

This is "rocker" Cisco Adler's reality. Here's how you can help:

Donate one dollar to the "I'm So Stupid I Actually Got Kimberley Stewart's Name Tattooed On My Body" Fund. Your dollar will go towards the removal of this mark of the beast, or at least to purchase a t-shirt for that greasy bastard to put on in public. And throw in a baked potato stuffed with sour cream, ipecac, and Neutrogena Deep Clean Cream Cleanser for poor Mischa. That's her favorite. Yummy, yummy in her tummy......for about five minutes until she makes it into the bathroom stall at Dolce. Thank heavens it's still fashionable to wear that scrunchy on your wrist. It's taboo to let your scuzzy-ass boyfriend hold your hair back until at least six months into the relationship.

Non-Stop Rock Fest. O'Shea's in WPB. Be there this Friday at 9pm. Bring a finsky and an extra liver.

Mags