Walk the Feder-Line

Few things that happen in "New Hollywood" should surprise me, but amazingly enough, I am sitting here surprised. In a recent interview with GQ magazine, Kevin Federline said the following about keeping romance fresh with his meal-ticket (and I would like to add that this is all taken verbatim):

"Oh yeah," says the romance-minded Federline. "I'll call up the [bleeping] florist before I get a hotel room for us and have them stock it with flowers and a card saying something. You've got to keep it interesting, man."

Ah yes. The [bleeping] florist. A card that says "something". It's every girl's dream. Can you even imagine what the "something" cards must say? Luckily for you, I can:

1. Girl, I like it when you let me put it in your butt.

2. Ain't nobody gonna front on our love, bitch.

3. Being with choo is like get'in it on with someone who used to be relevant in the music business.

4. I will tell the entire world that you have roast beef curtains if you don't buy me 10,000 new trucker hats with matching 'do-rags by sunrise.

5. Girl, yo' sex is DOPE. Mo' dope than you signing a blank check to me...Syke!

6. You done made me get a boner, girl. On purpose! For real 'dough!

7. I will always treasure the time you have spent being my DNA receptacle. These are special times, because once I work my way into Lindsay Lohan's pants, you'll be a as forgotten as a ham sandwich in my cargo pants pockets that stinks up the laundry room for weeks but you don't know where the smell is coming from. Holla!

8. I loev u birtney. Can i borro yo' cerdit crad to by me sum Vonn Duch drawas? My pantees be STANK!

We can come up with the last two this Saturday at the Billabong Pub. In the meantime, keep it real, all you real-keepers out there.

Maggie