Always the Skanksmaid But Never...

Have you ever woken up and wondered how you not only became Christina Aguilera's maid of honor in her sure-to-be-a-bang-up-success of a marriage, but somehow got roped into singing a duet with Enrique Iglesias at the reception while wearing a white lace tracksuit, insulted Ashlee by calling her Jessica and Jessica by calling her Ashlee making them erupt into a flood of both tears and mystic-tan-juice which causes their faces to melt off onto their boobs which causes their boobs to melt off onto the floor which causes Nick Lachey and Ryan Cabrera (hello? she is SO over him!) to slip and fall in the orange-teary-boob puddle and get killed by the custodian with a broom because he thinks that some hedgehogs crawled in through an open door, and ended up calling the mother of the bride "The Skankmaker" while eating all of the carb-less wedding cake after jumping over it Guns n' Roses-November Rain style while the team of Wedding Atkins Dancers beat you with lean filets of fish and prime rib?

How would I know? Is my name Kevin Federline?

No shows this week, unless you consider me eating some fine turkey and stuffing a show...and you should.

Maggie