Dooney & Bourke Can Eat It

I've always maintained the theory that you can sell the ugliest piece of crap in the world to almost anyone if it's really expensive. One example would be that craptastic vehicle of the nouveau-riche - The Hummer. If you slapped a $10,000 price tag on that monstrosity, people would probably make fun of you for driving it. But you charge $60,000...you get the point.

Today we'll discuss ugly grandma purses: Dooney and Bourke, Louis Vuitton, etc. Let's take a giant piece of cream-colored naughahyde and stamp it with fake cowhide texture, put some horrid, thick tan straps on it, put some gold paint on some fifty cent buckles, and charge $700 for it. Wait, I forgot the most important part: splatter your fugly logo all over it in rainbow colors.

And if you're carrying one of these overpriced red flags for bitchiness and trying to argue with the cashier at Ross over the sale price on a pair of five dollar flip-flops, don't look at me for sympathy. I find your existence to be a slap in the face of humanity and discount outlets everywhere. If you spent half the money you do on ugly purses on something useful, like electrolysis, then you wouldn't be so crabby to begin with.

Maggie