Potato Ass Is The New Black
You spend enough time in Boca Raton and you realize that the staying power of the terrycloth sweatpants trend is about as strong as the smell of Botox. I know what you're thinking - "Hey, those terrycloth sweatpants are soooooo comfy! What the hell is your problem, you well-accessorized centaur in heels?" I will answer you as simply as possible, you nouveau riche skank machine, so as to avoid any confusion:
Unless you are capable of bouncing a dime off your ass, I strongly recommend that you reconsider the terrycloth sweatpants. This is why I am never seen in terrycloth sweatpants. I don't want to create a public panic. I'm sure you think they look great from the front, but those unfortunate souls walking behind you are getting an eyeful of potato ass. People are hiding their children's eyes. Teenagers are pointing and laughing. The media is saying that you are the problem with America...and you are.
But fret not - for there is a solution to your potato ass woes! You could put on some actual pants before you leave the house! You could stop wearing visible thong underwear after you hit 40! You could dress like a decent person instead of trying to show up your teenage daughters! You could even stop referring to YOURSELF as a MILF and then giggling like the village idiot! Imagine that!
You've come a long way, baby. A long, damp, scabby, blackout-filled way from the days when you were Vince Neil's number one groupie...twenty years ago. Be a soccer mom with some dignity, for crying out loud.
No shows this week. Stay tuned for more cotton-blend atrocities.
Maggie
Unless you are capable of bouncing a dime off your ass, I strongly recommend that you reconsider the terrycloth sweatpants. This is why I am never seen in terrycloth sweatpants. I don't want to create a public panic. I'm sure you think they look great from the front, but those unfortunate souls walking behind you are getting an eyeful of potato ass. People are hiding their children's eyes. Teenagers are pointing and laughing. The media is saying that you are the problem with America...and you are.
But fret not - for there is a solution to your potato ass woes! You could put on some actual pants before you leave the house! You could stop wearing visible thong underwear after you hit 40! You could dress like a decent person instead of trying to show up your teenage daughters! You could even stop referring to YOURSELF as a MILF and then giggling like the village idiot! Imagine that!
You've come a long way, baby. A long, damp, scabby, blackout-filled way from the days when you were Vince Neil's number one groupie...twenty years ago. Be a soccer mom with some dignity, for crying out loud.
No shows this week. Stay tuned for more cotton-blend atrocities.
Maggie
posted by the freakin hott at Monday, October 10, 2005
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