Hustler and Bustle

You would be amazed at the amount of preparation that has already gone into tomorrow night's show. First, I had to lay out my truckload of makeup and pick out coordinating eyeshadow, lipstick, blush, eyeliner, mascara, essence of Bengal Tiger pancreas (for those pesky undereye circles), and, of course, my vial of evaporated and condensed sweat from Donny Osmond (for that fresh-faced fashion magazine peaches 'n cream look). After that daunting task, I had to find a dress that would make my ass look smaller, my boobahs look bigger, my legs look longer, my ankles look tapered, my posture look better, that would complement my haircolor, eyecolor, skin tone, groovy state of mind, general feelings about the war on terror, my love for the classics, and my anger at Suzanne Somers for leaving Three's Company.

After all that, I don't think we really have time to practice.

Well, at least I got the important stuff done.

See you at the show, muthas!

Maggie