The Freakin Hott in Charge: March 5, The Poorhouse
Have you ever wondered if there could ever be two better best buddies than Scott Baio and Willie Aames? The Freakin' Hott recently conducted an independent study of the infrastructure of their friendship and what made it work, what bonded them to one another, and how their relationship has changed since Willie became the Christian superhero "Bible Man". The results are as follows:
Question 1: What made it work?
Answer: Willie looked considerably less good-looking in drawstring pajama bottoms than Scott, hence, no competition for women.
Question 2: What bonded them to one another?
Answer: Compulsive co-dependency. Scott's ability to move inanimate objects with the power of his mind gave Willie an edge in college-level roulette, which would allow Willie to accumulate more discretionary income so he could join a gym and give him hope that, someday, he could look as good as Scott in drawstring pajama bottoms.
Question 3: How has their relationship changed since Willie became the Christian superhero "Bible Man"?
After hitting rock-bottom, Willie and the Lord spoke during a powerful post-cocaine-overdose-induced epiphany. The Lord said unto Willie, "Son, you have been led astray. You have taken this life I have given you, and crapped it up royally. You will never look as good as Scott Baio in drawstring pajama bottoms. Watch the reruns of Charles in Charge and see - I have no axe to grind here. And don't forget to head out to The Poorhouse to see The Freakin' Hott and The Remnants play Saturday, March 5th, 2005 at 11pm. No cover."
And so Bible Man was born, but this would be the end of Scott and Willie. Scott had his hands full with Diagnosis Murder, and there was a new crop of eighteen year old bimbos at The Playboy Mansion who didn't know any better than to steer clear of him. And, ironically, at the end of the day, Scott doesn't even look good in drawstring pajama bottoms anymore...they just can't seem to cover up the herpes scars adequately. The End.
The moral of the story, kids, is that life is hard, but The Freakin' Hott will make you harder.
Chew On That, Chazzzzzz.
Question 1: What made it work?
Answer: Willie looked considerably less good-looking in drawstring pajama bottoms than Scott, hence, no competition for women.
Question 2: What bonded them to one another?
Answer: Compulsive co-dependency. Scott's ability to move inanimate objects with the power of his mind gave Willie an edge in college-level roulette, which would allow Willie to accumulate more discretionary income so he could join a gym and give him hope that, someday, he could look as good as Scott in drawstring pajama bottoms.
Question 3: How has their relationship changed since Willie became the Christian superhero "Bible Man"?
After hitting rock-bottom, Willie and the Lord spoke during a powerful post-cocaine-overdose-induced epiphany. The Lord said unto Willie, "Son, you have been led astray. You have taken this life I have given you, and crapped it up royally. You will never look as good as Scott Baio in drawstring pajama bottoms. Watch the reruns of Charles in Charge and see - I have no axe to grind here. And don't forget to head out to The Poorhouse to see The Freakin' Hott and The Remnants play Saturday, March 5th, 2005 at 11pm. No cover."
And so Bible Man was born, but this would be the end of Scott and Willie. Scott had his hands full with Diagnosis Murder, and there was a new crop of eighteen year old bimbos at The Playboy Mansion who didn't know any better than to steer clear of him. And, ironically, at the end of the day, Scott doesn't even look good in drawstring pajama bottoms anymore...they just can't seem to cover up the herpes scars adequately. The End.
The moral of the story, kids, is that life is hard, but The Freakin' Hott will make you harder.
Chew On That, Chazzzzzz.
posted by the freakin hott at Tuesday, March 01, 2005
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