The Natives Are Pissy

It's not always easy being just some of the very few people in south Florida that were actually born in south Florida. The members of TFH know this plight well, and are here to educate you on a few things you think you know about south Florida:

1. Nothing is cheaper in New York than it is here. Nothing.

2. Groups of counterculture and indie-rocker types assemble and disassemble every few years. I know you think there's some kind of great community here right now, but we can guarantee you it will disband person by person as all of the hipsters move away to cool big cities after realizing that, at the end of the day, you will not escape south Florida by way of success. The cycle generally runs 3 cool years, 4 crappy ones and so on.

3. Do not ever, ever say that since you've lived here for five years, you're basically a native. That tends to make those of us who have suffered through 30 summers here really pissy.

4. On a related note, despite what you might think, you will never get used to the heat here. Ever. Don't even get your hopes up because it's not going to happen. Ever. It is the equivalent of saying, "You know, you kinda get used to having this extra large cattle-prod up your ass after a few times."

If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to contact Board of Tourism. They will be happy to tell you where the closest Crabby Jack's is.

Maggie