Make Mine a Yam

An Open Letter to The Faux-Hipster Dork Who Keeps Feeling The Need to Talk to Me Every Time I Walk Into Barnes & Noble:

For the last time, I do not have cable. Stop asking me if I watch Adult Swim and then rolling your eyes and acting like I'm a freak because I don't. Even if I had cable, I would not watch Adult Swim, if for no reason other than to spite you. You are the reason that old folks like me weep for the future of humanity. So you can just sling your hemp messenger bag over the shoulder of your "vintage-look" baseball t-shirt from American Eagle Outfitters and jump on the first totally gnarly snowboard back to Gen-Y hell. And take your sew-on Yellowcard patch with you, you prissy hog anus.

I feel so much better now. On to business!

The Freakin' Hott will be at The Red Lion in Boynton Beach this Friday, the 13th, with Truckstop Coffee and an out-of-town band called The Sweet Kisses. Show starts at 10pm, unless I can't find anything to wear, in which case the show will start at 2am. No cover. Bring any food items that either have the image, or the shape, of any of the members of The Freakin' Hott and get a free piggyback ride from Bandito. Pears don't count, smart ass.

Then.....

Saturday the 14th (which is also a fine film parody, you should check it out) we'll be at Churchill's Pub in Miami along with The Remnants for The Inside's last show as Florida residents. It's gonna be a fantabulous show filled with mystery, danger, and the stench of a thousand overflowing toilets. Get there at 10. There might be a cover, then again, there might not be. See? I said it would be filled with mystery.

Mags